Thursday, April 5, 2007

At the end of the day....

So I'm sitting here at nearly midnight trying to take it easy after a long day of running around, dealing with a nasty landlord who has every excuse why he hasn't gotten a mason over to my building since September to address the bricks falling from above my main entrance to the sidewalk, spring cleaning, rearanging, school obligations for the little one, and the dual stomachache/ headache thing I've got going on. And I'm sitting here thinking. I feel exhausted and awake. I didn''t have a chance to do my hair through the chaos today. Walked around in my skuzzy clothing because that's all the time I had to myself.

I feel...cracked.

I know everyone has those days. But it just seems real evident to me *today*. My eyes sting. My neck aches. My back burns. My heels are pulsating. My right leg is halfway asleep. I got it all done...I always get it all done. But at the end of it all I feel so...unfeminine (is that even a word?)

I suppose that is one of the reasons for my nudes...they are the height of femininity. Buxom. Gorgeous. Physical perfection to the point of near Barbie doll-esque dysmorphia. They at the end of the day are all I feel I am not, even if my feelings are unwarranted. They are on their way somewhere, constant and never ending, and they are frozen in their supreme beauty on that journey.


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